The Inuyasha Comedy Hour
by Munkystyle
Summary: Inuyasha gets a small segment to do some stand up and to tell the FF.net populace about things that piss him off. CHAPTER 2 IS A GO-GO!
1. Let the ranting begin!

Hey, figured I'd get off my ass and put my FF.net account to good use. Nowadays I can't help but feel sickened by people who like to stray from the plot and come up with these odd pairings stories. And having been bored out of of my mind, I've produced the Inuyasha Comedy Hour.  
  
A/N: If you don't like the way I criticize the various stories submitted to FF.net and find my views offensive, well...tough shit.  
  
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"Tonight on FF.net Presents, we have with us, the very funn INUYASHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Shouted the announcer as multiple shots of Inuyasha performing stand-up were displayed. The show had just only begun and the audience was already applauding the world's favorite half-demon.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Inuyasha!" The announcer shouted as Inuyasha walked up on stage, the cheering and whistling of hundreds of fans could be heard from three blocks away. Inuyasha wasn't the nervous type, and began his routine almost instantly.  
  
"Hi there! I'm Inuaysha, some of you may have heard of me. Maybe some of you haven't. I'm the main character of the show Inuyasha, and I've got a bone to pick with EVERY FUCKING PERSON WHO WRITES THESE ODD PAIRING STORIES! Yes, I adore my fans (the ones who don't piss me off) and I take time off to read their works of art; I have no fucking patience for stupid fucks who write ever stupider stories. I can't believe people actually read and even enjoy this garbage." Inuyasha was beginning to hook the crowd, and continued his act.  
  
"Okay, first things first people. These Kagome and Sesshomaru stories, what the hell were these people smoking when they wrote that garbage?! Seriously, would YOU fall in love with someone who has tried to KILL YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS?!" Inuyasha shouted as the crowd began laughing hysterically.  
  
"Hi Kagome, I hate you, I hate your friends, I think your existence is meaningless, and nothing would make me happier than bathing in a tub of your blood. Wanna have sex?" Inuyasha sarcastically said as members of the audience began crying from the laughter. Inuyasha was just getting warmed up.  
  
"And that isn't the only one either. One word, Kouga. You'd think Kagome would have a fucking restraining order on him or something. Shit, I would have killed him a while back but apparently he's a very important character. Yea, REEEAL important. A character so important that he says he's in love with Kagome when in reality he just wants jewel shards. And wouldn't you know it, the morons here decide to write stuff featuring Kagome and Kouga hooking up! Who wants to bang a cowardly, skirt wearing stalker who has to rely on jewel shards to give him strength?! He's about as low as low goes." Inuyasha took a sip of the glass of water provided for him and the rest of the show's guests and let his audience breathe.  
  
"Stick to the fucking story guys, Kagome falls in love with me! Not fluffy, not wimpy, not that pansy Homo, err Bobo, or is it Flojo? Whatever his name is. Feh" Inuyasha looked pleased with himself and began the second part of his routine...  
  
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A/N: Okay, so I'm really just using this fic to rant about stuff that pisses me off. Big deal, hopefully it gave some of you a good laugh. I'll write more if I get feedback that doesn't include death threats. 


	2. Ranting, part deux!

The Inuyasha Comedy Hour, part two.  
  
A/N: Well, the first chapter was just a test to see if anybody agreed with me. It turns out that I, along with my loyal fans (all five of you) all have something in common: WE AREN'T PLOT-CHANGING IMBICILES! Now I've noticed that I may have just contradicted myself there what with bringing Inuyasha into a comedy segment and whatnot. Guilty as charged, no need to point it out. But I did it for the sake of knocking some sense into you guys. Inuyasha will continue his ranting, and Iplan to to follow up his act with other characters (Naraku would be a nice one).  
  
Other Author's note: Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mean guy, I'm actually quite nice. But you see, people who bend the plot and do the whole "what if" and "___ changed their mind about whom they love" stories drive me fucking nuts. I'll also be posting my favorite reviews/death threats/flames with responses, so I can point out to all of you the people who I appreciate/just burned are, depending on the circumstances.  
  
Lets get started:  
  
al-khidr lover says, "lolz you are so right! i'm so fucking tired of these idiots who couple kagome with other people!  
  
i was just complaining about this problem to my friend today! its nice to know somebody agrees with me!!"  
  
No, its nice to see someone agrees with ME. Just kidding. Tell me though, is your friend on OUR side?  
  
Moonmage says, "THATS THE TRUTH TANK GOD! Did you ever think about those evil Mirko/Kagome fics? those ar not right.  
  
Moonmage(gurdian of moon, stars, night, and all things pure)"  
  
I'd rather not think about the Mir/Kag fics. I'll let Sango handle that...[insert maniacal laughter here]. But anyways, the rant I have in stock (not really, just scroll down) takes Inu's rant to new worlds.  
  
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"Well, well. I guess I'm not quite finished. I've also looked around and seen other strange pairings. Yea, Kagome isn't the only one who suffers a severe case of "I have sex with people who try to kill me" or "I fucked my lover's rival" disease. Hell, I've seen two or three fics where Kagome tries to screw Shippo. KAGOME IS NOT SOME TWO-DOLLAR WHORE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!" Inuyasha's ranting continued once more as the audience members began realizing that they're getting their money's worth. It was indeed a good time to laugh, have sense knocked into them, and of course, to hear the word "fuck" used seven times in one sentence. Inuyasha had just opened the wound, now was the time to pour salt in it.  
  
"So anyways, Kagome aside, I've seen stories out there featuring Fluffy and Rin. That REALLY makes me sick. So aside from being the ruler of western Japan, my brother is a pedophile? I hate him as much as the next Inuyasha fanboy, but seriously, I take offense in that one! Lets get one thing clear, my brother does NOT fuck little kids. To be honest I think he could hook up with Kagura (thats probably the ONE strange couple story I could make an exception for)." The crowd was laughing so hard you could have sworn they had rabies or something, there was so much laughter even Inuyasha was starting to feel a little freaked out.  
  
"Also, for those of you that thought ahead and wrote stories where Rin is barely legal, lets start THINKING about things that would have to go along with the story. One, do you know how long it takes a nine year-old to become eightteen? NINE YEARS! NINE FUCKING YEARS! Now think for a second, going along the storyline of my show, do you think it would take nine years to kill Naraku? No! Over nine years I probably would have killed him a LOOONG time ago. And somewhere along that line chances are I wasted Sesshomaru as well. I probably already have if you're importing these episodes from Japan you obsessive, impatient fuck. I AM the hero after all, that means FLUFFY DIES! THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Inuyasha stopped and took a deep breath. He doesn't normally loose it like that in front of a crowd. Too late though, the entire crowd was just staring blankly at him with their mouths wide open. You could already see their tounges begin to collect dust.  
  
"Oooookaaaay then. Anyways, back on subject. More shit that pisses me off. Lets see, non-existant characters! I just love reading fics where I usually fall in love with someone that doesn't exist because the author is some skinny, pasty guy loser who couldn't find love with another human being and has to drag a character they made into the fray. I guess its all that stands between them and suicide though. You know, the world needs less freaks, kill yourself now. Next time you think about throwing in new characters based off of yourself or a friend, I want you to do one thing before you begin typing: Grab a knife, stick it in your ass, cut out your intestines, and hang yourself with them. You are a menace to fanfiction.net and I fucking hate uninspired, unorginal, jackasses who insert lackluster characters into MY show just so they can fuck things up more. Whats better than a fanfiction that involves Kagome getting gangbanged by Fluffy, Kouga, Naraku, Shippo, Miroku, and some guy named Larry. WHO THE FUCK IS LARRY?! Isn't a fic where Kagome screws someone other than me fucked up enough?!" Inuyasha regained his sanity and watched as his fans began....vomiting from laughter. Yes, vomiting. it was that damn funny.  
  
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A/N: I don't encourage people to actually kill theirselves over something I said. But if you really do kill yourself, then you can only blame yourself. If someone is actually stupid enough to end their life over somehting I said then they probably shouldn't have been born. I have spoken. Leave reviews and I'll begin the final segment of Inuyasha's routine: CROSSOVER FICS! 


	3. Brief Intermission

And now, a word from the author.  
  
Hey guys, bad news. I know how much you guys enjoy reading this, but I wouldn't count on a new chapter anytime soon. School starts again tomorrow and I'll be spending a lot of my time maintaining www.clankv.com (and to any Starsiege: Tribes players, we're recruiting), studying, doing homework, and playing Battlefield: 1942. I'll try to get the new chapter up before Friday hopefully. Just sit tight and try developing psychic powers, that way you can read the next few chapters before I even type them.  
  
While I'm typing this I may as well start reviewing reviews (I'm utterly surprised that I haven't recieved one flame yet. C'mon guys, I know at least ONE person will take some form of offense).  
  
Also, don't ask me to review your review.  
  
HZero writes: That was so great. Kick the fanboy and fangirl ass that plagues this site. I used to be one, and I saw how wrong I was. I look at Kag/Sess fics and think, "Are you a dumbass or just not paying attention to the damn show you stupid jackass!"  
  
Crossovers, interesting. I wanna see this. I wrote one, and I looked at it seeing that it was so stupid. I'm glad there are people out there like you.  
  
So far I'm kicking ass, when the next chapter comes around I expect to see the term "savage beating" used. Anyways, I won't hold the fact that you're a former fanboy/fangirl against you; you've seen the light. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, thats what I say.  
  
Veoki writes: XD it speaketh the truth! :x marry meh.  
  
I'm only 15, and I'm taken. Sorry to disappoint you.  
  
Sweet Cherry Kisses writes: [insert two LONG reviews here]  
  
A/N: I didn't flame her, I congratulated her for standing up to me. I've contacted her through e-mail because I'd rather not post her review and my response. Also, I'm not sending you guys copies, so MEH.  
  
Anyways, if I didn't respond to you, no I don't hate you. I just didn't feel like responding. Well, until then...  
  
P.S.: Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Develop that sixth sense of yours like I said earlier. 


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